A Valentine’s Letter to a New Heart Mama

Dear New Heart Mama,

Happy Valentine’s Day! From now on, this day will carry an extra special meaning to you. A meaning no one else can understand quite like you unless they are a fellow heart parent.

If you didn’t yet know, February is also Heart Month and 2/14 is the last day of CHD Awareness Week. I give you full permission to buy all the heart things! Embrace it, enjoy it, revel in all the hearts.

Honestly, real talk, I wish you didn’t join this club. We’re happy to have you, but still no one dreams of joining and I wish no one else had to.

Know that this will not be easy. I don’t think you’ll find anyone here who will lie to you about the mountain that is this journey. But I also want you to know you can do hard things, even harder than you think you’re capable of.

When a heart warrior is born, so is a heart warrior mom. While watching your child’s super strength, you will also grow in strength to support them. Our children are incredibly resilient and courageous. Wait to be astounded.

Your family will encounter many curves, swerves, and hurdles. You’ll learn to expect the unexpected and settle uncomfortably in the unknown. This might be the hardest journey you ever have to walk and you will figure it out.

There will be grief and mourning. It may not seem like it now, but you will find your way through the shock, denial, and anger. You will manage through bargaining, depression, and testing. And eventually, it may take a while…allow yourself time and space. Eventually, a path will clear and you’ll find your way to acceptance.

Let yourself feel all the feelings. Give yourself space and grace. Recognize that it’s perfectly valid and normal to feel contradictory emotions.

You can be sad that you didn’t have a typical birth experience, and you can be glad that your baby is well taken care of in the hospital. You can be mad that your child has to walk this journey, and you can be appreciative that there are doctors and medical advancements to repair their defects.

There is plenty of need for more research and more improvements. But amazing strides have been made in improving outcomes for those with Congenital Heart Defects. Know that there is a lot of hope. Cling to the hope.

Try to pause and consider how you process emotions and manage through challenging and stressful circumstances. Think about this before you carry on. Consciously choose how you move forward on this journey.

Not everyone processes things the same way. For me, knowing more rather than less has helped. I poured myself into learning everything I could about my daughter’s diagnosis. This allowed me some sense of control. For others, knowing less offers more peace. You don’t need to do things the same way as others.

Take care choosing your child’s medical team. When you do, trust them. If you find reasons not to, then it’s okay to switch providers. While this all feels new and frightening to you, remember this is what the cardiology and cardiac surgery teams do daily. Lean on them. You’re not supposed to know exactly how to navigate this.

Learn to advocate for your CHD warrior. You are allowed to be a part of their medical team. You are allowed to ask questions. You are allowed to call out concerns. You are allowed to make suggestions. Their medical team will get to know them intimately, but still, no one will know them as well as you do.

Find your heart club support network. Heart mama life can feel impossible at times. Know that there are many others ready to guide you.

We are here for you. We want to hold your hand and help you because we know how it is. Connect on Instagram, through Facebook groups, a CHD organization, or a hospital support group.

While I’m sure you wouldn’t be here if you didn’t have to be, I want to offer a little bit of light. Despite all the challenges and heartbreak, there are some good bits to being a heart mama.

You learn to slow down and appreciate the smallest moments. All the big and little things your heart warrior does hold more significance. Bask in the wonder of every milestone at whatever pace they’re at.

Traversing a CHD journey has a way of clarifying or even redefining your priorities and values. Maybe you become inspired to find a new hobby or even a new career in or adjacent to hearts and CHD.

Also, you can basically call yourself a doctor and nurse now!

The CHD heart community is incredibly supportive and you will make new lifelong friends. Lean on them through the ups and downs.

This journey may break you, but you will come out of it a different and stronger person.

Please know you are enough. That sweet baby only needs your love and advocacy.

A heart mama’s love is next level. Once you’re a CHD mom, you can never look at a heart in the same way. Valentine’s Day and Heart Month will always carry an extra special meaning for you. It’s okay to celebrate, it’s okay to grieve.

Welcome to the Heart Mama Club.

Hearts, hugs & hope,

Jessica